We’re moving back to Maui permanently in late October. The tickets are booked.
You know, it’s a delicate dance, being human. Walking a tightrope at times, we look forward at the expense of missing what’s around us. We can’t look back, because we’ll fall. Onward it is. Step over step we find our way. After reaching the end of the rope we assure ourselves we wanted to cross, that the wobbles and shakes were worth it – and now we can’t go back.
So it’s done. But something’s missing, isn’t it? We look over our shoulders, see the start of the rope, resting beside it is something important we mistakenly left behind. We find ourselves needing to return to collect it. After a daunting journey to the other end once more, we feel at ease with our decision. There’s no need to cross again, that important bit of something we’d left behind was now within reach. We untie the line, roll it away and tuck it in a safe place. It’s ok to turn away, it’s ok to turn right back again.
We planned our move from Maui home to Australia for years – nearly 3 years. For years we saved, worked, but… we also lived. We had our two babies, created a life for ourselves that we loved, then packed it in to double walled cardboard boxes bound for Australia. Time was wasting, right? It was home. It’s where we belonged, we told ourself. It’s where we’d plant our roots, where our kids needed to be, close to the family we love so much. And we love them – so much.
When we landed in Brisbane and the jet lag subsided, each night Adam and I went to bed with an aching in our hearts. We felt physically ill. Despite the love and beauty that surrounded us we were, quite literally, sick for what we’d left behind. It’s just a transitional thing, we told ourselves. We walked and visited familiar places, enjoyed the company of old friends and watching the connection our kids had to their Australian family. But night after night, the pit in our stomachs we’d never felt before. We cried many times together and alone, attempted to fill the void in our hearts by hanging pictures on our walls of the place we left behind
Before departing Maui we’d held back the tears, let shaky hands remove photos from our walls and closed the door on the home where we’d grown our family. The tree we ran circles around, singing ring-a-rosie to our son, laughing from our insides out. The beaches we enjoyed and called our office, the nightly “thank you” to Maui as the sun set over the horizon, the same words echoing as we rose to enjoy the sunrise. The place we had some of the most trying and beautiful times of our lives, that allowed us to grow and prosper. And, of course, the business that breathed life into us every day, allowed us to run with inspiration and gave us goosebumps. The early mornings before the kids woke up, clack-clacking on the keyboard, editing, finishing, beginning new things.
In Australia, weeks passed and suddenly, we admitted we were wrong. Openly we discussed it during slow walks to the park with our kids. We’d made a mistake in leaving. Australia, our home, was not where we felt most connected. We punished ourselves for this mistake, told ourselves returning wasn’t possible. I’ll never forget when Adam said that, that leaving again just wasn’t an option though I knew he wished it were. We moved ACROSS THE WORLD. With our kids! To our family who we loved and missed more than anything. But, our relationship strained. We tried to assure ourselves the grass is always greener, that we could bloom where we were planted, we could make it work – for our family, for the kids.
It seems, though, that we HAD been planted on Maui, we just chose to uproot ourselves in the search of permanence and belonging, not fully appreciating that freedom was holding us by the shoulders and looking us straight in the eye. As my dear friend put it – we’re human. And we can’t punish ourselves for mistakes. And really, was it a mistake? Wouldn’t we always ask ourselves “what if” if we had never left? Is spending this valuable time with our family really a mistake? No.
After sleepless nights, pitted stomachs, regret and, to be honest, feelings of outright STUPIDITY with not having decided this before embarking on this journey in the first place, we’re returning to Maui permanently in late October, and our tickets have been booked. Swiftly the heavy weight on our shoulders disappeared, and while we have feelings of extreme guilt, we also have the feeling of relief.
So, thank you. Thanks for following our journey and most of all, allowing us to perfect the art of being human – what a work in progress it is! We’ll see you in October, and will be available for sessions and weddings from November onward. Sea you soon 🙂